Washing hands. Taking notes.

I sit cross-legged in front of the television, seeing things I've never seen before. When you look out of the glass, life looks so blue. But not blue like the ocean. Blue like I'm at the bottom of the tinted toilet-blue water under the kiddie boat ride at Lakeside Park. The boats are hooked to metal poles, moving slowly in a circle. I can't ride the bumper boats. They aren't tethered like the kiddie boats. The blue water makes me feel anxious and panicked.

I wish you made me feel anxious and panicked. But instead, you make me feel insecure and unattractive. Maybe if I were tethered to a metal pole, it would be easier to steer me in the direction you want. But I know what would happen. We would just go in circles.

Bumper boats are better than kiddie boats I suppose.